Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
