suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
