I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize