wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
