and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
