apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize