well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
