I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
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i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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