Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
