your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
