I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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