i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
