I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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