Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
