Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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