i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
