i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Even my vagina gasped.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
