You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
