we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
