while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
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I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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