just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
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