Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
