My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
