I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
