You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
