Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
