i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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