Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
