never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
