Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
