just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wish my penis had a tongue
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
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He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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