Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
