Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
