just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
