david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
