Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
