i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
