its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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