in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
