I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
