hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
