I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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