i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
