im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
