dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
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I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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