my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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