Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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