Your tits are I can't wait for
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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