No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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