Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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