I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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