and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
