I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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