I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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