we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
