the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
ok first of all what the fuck
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
