Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Text me some of your sweat
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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